Bad Date Diary

Before I get started let me be clear, I am in a relationship with the most amazing guy right now but WOW have I had my fair share of bad dates and kinda shitty guys.

At the young age of 14, I went on my first date. It was literally a walk in the centre of Cardiff whilst I pretended to; a) Love walking, and b) Love bubble tea. We also book swapped our favourite books which seemed SO adult at the time because apparently that is what adults do? (Dylan, if you’re reading this I want my annotated copy of Looking for Alaska back please). At the end of the date we shook hands; no awkward teenage hug, no little peck on the cheek. We genuinely stood there and shook hands. This is so NOT how I thought it would turn out. I imagined it would be like the Taylor Swift song ‘Sparks fly’, but it was more along the lines of ‘Nothing’ from A Chorus Line. After that, we didn’t speak. With me being rather on the stubborn side, I didn’t want to text him first, until he drunk texted me a year later with a lot of these faces; ‘xp’ (I did not reply, you will be thankful to know). For a while I wondered what I did wrong; was the book I gave him stupid? Was I not pretty enough? Could he hear me wheezing as we circled a park twice? Luckily the boy didn’t go to my school and like Alaska in Looking for Alaska, I did not need a man to show me my worth so I tried my hardest to just let it go. However, I do still wonder why he never messaged me, and whilst half of me wants to message him and ask why we never ended up getting married, the other half is bloody grateful I didn’t marry a boy who uses the ‘xp’ face.

After that, I had a pretty weird feeling about going out on another date, as I really didn’t want to not feel ‘good enough’ again, so I didn’t go out with boys on my own until I was 16. Yes you read that right. All the ‘dates’ I went on involved going out with my friends and ‘inviting’ the boy I liked with us. This fool proof plan was so that I didn’t have to tell my mum it was a date, I had my friends for moral support AND the boy had to text me to tell me how fun my friends were (big shout out to my friends who made sure I could sit next to the boy I liked when we went to the cinema in year 10. You are my heroes.)

Then, when I was 16 with the world at my feet, I was in a new sixth form and I was feeling rather cocky. I met a boy at a party who seemed nice enough. He gave me a lot of attention which felt good (although, I must say I think this was probably down to the bright gold skirt I was wearing). We did go on a few dates to sit in a park which was nice enough, but here is a little quote from my diary to show you how quickly things went downhill; “on the third date he told me he loved me, oh crap.” I said it back to him though, of course I did, why wouldn’t I? I mean, how cool was this? I’m 17 and I’m in love (NOT). I think I knew it was a bad idea from the beginning. I certainly knew it was a bad idea when I couldn’t even tell my mum or my friends about going out with him because he gave them ‘bad vibes.’ I also knew it was a bad idea when he told me he hated my friends and that my family would never like him. I see now that they were major red flags but I still dated him on and off until I turned 18, and if I can be candid, it was really not a great year. If I could give 3 pieces of advice to my 16 year old self, it would be;

1. Throw that gold skirt in the bin.

2. If you can’t tell your friends about something you’re doing you shouldn’t be doing it.

3. DO NOT EVER let your partner tell you what you can/can’t do. That is manipulation and you are better than that.

I did break up with him and I moved on. I went on to have some questionable snogs in clubs, went on a few weird dates and even met someone on a train who gave me his number and told me to text him in 4 years, which I doubt I ever will do. Whilst I did go through some really shitty dates and very strange times that I could write about forever, there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. I love my boyfriend and I never thought that I would ever be treated like I deserve. It’s nice to look back at how far I’ve come; all the nights I had to hide where I was going because I was embarrassed to be seen with someone and all the nights I cried because I thought I wasn’t good enough for someone, are OVER. There are times I thought i’d be single forever and whilst i’m all about loving yourself before you love someone else, it did make me sad, but honestly, having boys that don’t treat you like you KNOW you deserve is a waste of your time.

I will definitely be sharing more of my bad date stories, and if you have ever had a really bad date/shitty boyfriend, I would love to hear from you! You can share them by emailing me at letusbecandid@gmail.com or on my instagram @letsbecandid

Peace,

Cadi x