Men's Mental Health

Men's Mental Health

Evan Davies is one of my best friends and I’m so happy he was willing to be interviewed for my blog! I have known him for just over 10 years but we became really good friends around 6 years ago. He is someone I can always talk to and he’s always there to listen to me ramble about any problem I have. 10/10 on the friend scale I would say.

I really wanted to have a male point of view on my blog, especially because I don’t think there’s enough representation for men struggling with their mental health on social media. We talked about some really interesting points and this is what he had to say:

“I have suffered with my mental health. I feel a lot better at the moment but I have suffered. It was throughout college mostly. When you have so much piled up on top of you it's a lot of stress. I was doing shows, dance, college, applying for Uni, work, and A-Levels all at the same time and we were all just expected to get on with it - not just guys but girls as well.

A lot of the time though the girls would go and have half-hour chats with the teachers when they were upset but us boys would be promised a chat and then never have one. There was a clear divide and often I was told that ‘it would be ok’ and that would be it. That wasn’t just in college though, I found it would happen in my old workplace too, My boss would pick on all of the men but be really chatty and nice to the girls. There’s a point when banter becomes too much and it did upset me but I didn’t want to say anything because I felt embarrassed that I took it to heart.

The stress and pressure of things have always gotten to me. I started to feel a lot of pressure in Year 10 when it came to doing GCSEs. I wanted to get amazing results but I knew I wouldn’t do as well as my parents would have hoped. I am smart but I’m not an A* in everything, kind of guy. I remember being with my mum going through maths homework and I just cried for an hour because I couldn’t do it. School is hard for everyone and I don’t think enough people talk about how hard school actually is. I think kids definitely need more support in school, not just for help with the workload but with Mental Health too.

When I have a bad Mental Health Day I get a total lack of motivation. There was a time in Lockdown that I didn’t leave my bed for about two weeks because I felt so empty. I did feel like that in college at points but I had to go in; I wasn’t allowed to stay in bed and I think that made my Mental Health worse. I could never use my Mental Health as a reason to miss college. I actually got told off because I didn’t come in one day because my Mental Health was so bad. I remember one day I felt awful and I emailed to say I wasn’t going in and they said that I had to come in but I didn't. I told my dad that they said I could have the day off but when they emailed back saying I had to come in they cc’d my Mum in the reply so I knew I would have to tell my parents what was wrong. I didn’t think they’d understand but when my Dad came home he sat down with me for ages and talked to me about everything and that really helped me calm down. He even emailed the College and told them that I needed help. I did go and see a therapist once, she was lovely but I never went back because It didn’t help me at all. My parents are really good at dealing with me when I’m upset now and they know to give me space. Big Up Pete and Karyn.

Men's Mental Health affects us in a lot of ways that aren’t always spoken about. I have had panic attacks in the past, and the only people I know that have suffered with similar experiences are girls. I’m sure that some other guys have suffered from one but I’ve never spoken to another guy about it. I think men aren’t really expected to break down and cry so it’s hard for us to talk about, especially with each other. Like I said though, I have been a lot better recently. My last big panic attack was in March/April which was because of Lockdown, which I think is understandable; that was such a weird time but now that I’m back to seeing friends and working a different job I feel a lot happier. Lockdown was really hard - I'm sure it was for everyone - but I did struggle and I didn’t know where to go or who to speak to about it. I tried to ignore it and just get on with it but it was really difficult at the time.

I am really lucky to have a big group of guy friends who I can speak to. I know a lot of guys don’t have that but my group of friends are so open and supportive of each other. When one of us is sad we all make sure to check on each other which is really nice to have. Sometimes we’ll just sit and chat on Discord for hours and just talk about everything. I do think that's not a normal thing for guys to do so I’m really lucky. I wish more guys would speak to each other about their feelings.

I grew up watching films with characters like Mr. Incredible and The Hulk. Both of those characters are big strong men which made me feel like even at a young age I had to be like that too. There aren’t a lot of male characters/men that are open about their feelings and growing up I hardly ever saw men be open about anything. Whenever I see a story about a man with Mental Health issues on social media I always read the entire thing because It hardly ever happens. The Will Smith Meme that was circulating when he cried because his wife was cheating on him made me so angry. I never see a man be so open about crying and one of the first people I do gets made fun of. The other day there was a Facebook post about a guy who was going to kill himself but didn’t and now he’s watching cartoons with his son, and I just bawled because It’s so rare to see something from a male’s point of view about Mental Health. Hopefully doing this blog interview a guy can read this and know that he isn’t alone and that it’s ok to cry.

My advice to anyone is that no matter how small the problem might seem, talk to someone about it because If it’s enough to upset you then it’s big enough to talk about it. Don’t brush it under the carpet because it could get much worse. If you feel like you can’t talk to a friend about something that has upset you, they are not a friend. Get rid!”

If anyone would like to DM me about their experiences you can use my insta @letsbecandid_ or email me @letusbecandid@gmail.com

Peace, Cadi x