Sophie's Mental Health Journey

Sophie Crackle is someone who I've known for about 10 years now, I met her when she was only five years old and remember her being this crazy child who was always laughing. I am always so pleased when I get to see her because she is such a firecracker and a real joy to be around. As much as it hurt to see that Sophie was struggling and I had no idea, I'm so glad she opened up to me about her journey and I'm so proud that she decided to speak out. Love you Soph! This is her story:

"When I look back at it now my mental health started to deteriorate when I started high school. It started with me constantly trying to avoid school because it caused me anxiety but at that time I didn’t realise that was what it was. In June of year 7, I had my first panic attack on a school trip in France it lasted around an hour and I had no idea what was going on, I can remember the right feeling in my chest the feeling that my lungs where going to stop the fear that I felt, it wasn’t until one of the school pastoral team talked to me about it that I realised it wasn’t something to be scared of. Since then I have built up strategies to help me when I can feel a panic attack starting such as having something to fiddle with and distract myself, taking deep slow breathes and drinking water. 

As more things in my life happened I was referred to the school counsellor who I spoke to from mid-year 7 until year 8 when I changed counsellor. For me this didn’t work because I didn’t get on with my second one so I went back to my original counsellor. It is important to connect with the person you are talking to so that you can work well together it is ok to change if you can not connect with them. 

In year 9 my mental health continued to deteriorate but I just ignored it because I figured that most teenage girls get sad,  it’s normal to not want to do things when you’re a teenager, it’s normal to be tired and agitated. It is not normal to not want to be alive anymore but I didn’t know anything different so despite having people to talk to I didn’t tell anyone I kept it to myself I didn’t want to burden people and in my head “I wasn’t that sad”. Through year 9 my anxiety became a lot worse but I just tried my best to ignore it. My grades dropped and school became a stressful burden and to make it worse I was starting my GCSE’s in September. The end of summer leading up to year 10 I hadn’t done anything all summer and I didn’t want to be here anymore. Being in school was so hard and I felt so alone, I asked school if I could talk to a counsellor again in September because I felt very low they said I would go on the waiting list and in the meantime, they would speak to me on a regular basis. I told them how bad I was feeling but I still kept most of it back they just told me that as long as I didn’t get worse I would be fine, they saw me a week later and that was it. I started missing lessons and not turning up but no one seemed to care. I felt ignored by everyone it added to my sense of being alone. It felt as though everyone was ignoring my problems so I should ignore them too.  It took until January for me to get a counsellor I had been asking since September. By mid-February, my mum was called into school for a meeting with school about my work where they finally asked me how I was feeling. As soon as the meeting finished a doctors appointment was made and I was going the next day. By the beginning of March, things weren’t improving and school sent me to A&E where I was admitted onto the children’s ward and spoke to lots of mental health professionals. It finally felt like someone was listening but the voice inside me was still telling me that I was fine I didn’t really need the help this was normal. I know that this is not normal. It is now October and I never thought I would make it. If you had told me in March or April that I would still be here I would not have believed you. I’ve been put on medication and have sessions every week. It is so important to talk to people before it’s too late. Make sure you check up on your friends, family, people that you work with and people that you study with. Mental health is just as important as Physical Illnesses.

Things do get better, I am still struggling and some days I can’t do anything but other days I can do a bit more but that’s ok. I now know that I have a support system that I can rely on. Reach out for help. "

Thank you to Sophie for speaking out. I know it can be so hard sometimes to make that decision and open up about it, If you ever want to DM me please do at @letsbecandid_ on Instagram!

Peace,

Cadi x